My Prayer

                                                 July 10^th 2003

Oh my glorious Lord

Set me free

And let me be on fire for you

Do not let me to become passive

I do not want a passive faith

But a faith that is active

Open my eyes to you

Give me a heart to serve you

I want to grow in you

Lead me in the direction you wish me to go in

I wish to be your child

I ask for nothing more

I want your love to over flow me

And lead me on the path to you

I want to know you

I want to be your blessed child

Screaming Pain

i try to help
speak words to give insight
to not only help someone else
but to give clarity to myself

then words are thrown to cripple me
intense pain overcomes all senses
tearing me to pieces
but i keep silent

i scream inside so no one can hear
no one knows my pain for i hide it deep inside
locked up so no one can judge
and they see not for they are consumed with themselves

the pain overcomes
more then one should endure
yet i live with it
day by day the screams of pain
are kept inside
behind a false smile
so no one will see
no one will know
my screaming pain

Path to Repentance

The World has condemned me for my sins

For the poor choices I have made

Leaving me feeling alone

Feeling unworthy, unloved

Satan feeds on such acts

Illuminating such sins for others to see

Leading to gossip

To dashed hopes, dreams

Building the Shades of Gray

Trapping us to go to the dark path

Small steps leading us in the wrong direction

Till we are lost, buried

I am not perfect

Heavenly Father has shown a path

It we repent and turn from our sins

Leading us to have peace, joy

If we follow his path

We will have the truth set us free

Leading us back home to open loving arms
Taking us away from sin, despair



(Wrote today while in Sunday School Class (Lesson 15) from thoughts shared and talked about..)

secret

My heart is broken

My joy gone

How do I get it back

What can I do

I wish i could tell him how I feel

How my heart aches for him

Even though I know I am not good enough

Do not measure up

I have tried to forget

Trying to move on

But my thoughts return

Stronger then before

I will always love you

Even if that love will not be returned

For you will always be in my heart

Being unable to be forgotten



(poem I found in a notebook Believe to be written sometime in March '11)

Poem, as I sit here with tears in my eyes

See me

my heart aches

desire to scream out

Your voice

flooding memories

thoughts. pictures, stories flying

Thinking

locked up hopes, dreams

feelings pouring out

Tears

afraid of being unseen

forgotten as always

Hard

telling you how I feel

wishing to see if you feel the same

crashing down

Every time I see a message

I hope it is you

When it's not
My heart drops a little more

Why do I keep making the same mistakes

I hope beyond hope that the next time is different

But I always do something

Say something that makes it yet the same as the last

What if I did it differently

What if I didn't let my heart run from me so fast

So fast that it crashes

So very hard yet again

If I went slower

I laid everything on the table at once

Would it turned out this way

Maybe it would have been better

I regret my actions

I hid because I was scared

But I cannot hide reality

It eventually appears

Two hurting souls

Caused by ones fears

Is there anyway to make it right

the damage is already done