crashing down

Every time I see a message

I hope it is you

When it's not
My heart drops a little more

Why do I keep making the same mistakes

I hope beyond hope that the next time is different

But I always do something

Say something that makes it yet the same as the last

What if I did it differently

What if I didn't let my heart run from me so fast

So fast that it crashes

So very hard yet again

If I went slower

I laid everything on the table at once

Would it turned out this way

Maybe it would have been better

I regret my actions

I hid because I was scared

But I cannot hide reality

It eventually appears

Two hurting souls

Caused by ones fears

Is there anyway to make it right

the damage is already done

Caring Priesthood

It is so amazing how Priesthood holders are so caring. My son has not a father in his life, and with no one in our family being a member the Priesthood is not at home for us. Yet Priesthood holders share themselves. Just last Sunday one of the single Priesthood holders sat in the same row as Bug and I. After about half of Sacrament another child sat by him, he got some paper out and they where drawing. My son wanted to join them and so this Priesthood holder was interacting with my son. It is a true blessing because my son even though he is young is still receiving some influence and role modeling of the wonderful blessings of the Priesthood. It is a comforting fact that Priesthood holders cares and looks after all the children, even if the child is not of their earthly family.

Amazing Sons

Last Sunday Bug (my son) sat with his best friend during Sacrament meeting. In the same row another friend also sat, so there where three almost 4 year old boys sitting in this nice little row. During Sacrement they where all sitting nicely with their arms folded; my son, his best friend and then his friend. They where reverent during Sacrament and my son got to learn some things about Sacrament because his best friends mom was explaining things to him. I looked back at those three boys and saw three good friends in years to come, growing closer to Heavenly Father and someday getting mission calls only a few months apart, if not almost all together. It is my hope that I can raise my son how I know his friends mothers are doing for their sons, that I can help strengthen my son as I know they do, and that I will be the support my son needs. I know my son is strong, he would not be here if he wasn't, I just hope I have the strength needed to raise my son in the way of the Lord, even if it means doing it alone. It is my prayer that I can raise my son they way Heavenly Father wishes me to do.

Clean out the old

Taking a house that was mistreated, unkempt and very dirty is a long and hard process. I have taken out garbage that the old owners left. moldy carpet, and clothing, fixed broken beds, painted, torn rusted and falling apart cabinets out among many other things and the house is still not "perfect." It is still dirty and needs more work. yes it would be wonderful to have the money that is needed to fix some needs and some wants for the house but sometimes we have to make do with what we have. {picture is of the worse room of the house before we started to work, The day after I bought the house}

It is like when we do wrong things in our life, not following the Commandments of our Heavenly Father and making wrong choices. It is not easy to change out habits and it is a constant daily battle at times to change our habits to good ones. Just like keeping a house nice is a daily process. We need to be aware of how we are living our life day by day. We also need to remember it is okay to ask for help, we can not always to everything alone. I know for some it can be hard to ask for help, its hard for me, but at times it is what needs to be done.