03 March 2012


The Bishop pulled me aside at the beginning of the year to talk to me about tithing. I haven't really paid tithing since my first year(well not even a year since  was baptized n September) of being a member. The thing was it wasn't truly about paying my tithing. He wants me to pay tithing so I can have the blessings of doing so. (ex. going to the temple, receiving my endowment etc.). I know it was also about me getting to singles activities. He wants me to be ready and out there to find someone to be sealed too. He also wants me to work on genealogy. His vision was for m to go with the youth on their temple trip in may for baptisms and he feels that if I have my own names that it would mean more to me. He also mentioned me getting my endowments sometime. It feels like he wants me to be all prepared so that if someone comes into our lives that, well I guess that everything can just happen. When we had our meeting and had talked about some of this ^ and he found out that I have not even done baptisms for the dead he asked me what had been keeping me from going. I told him that I didn't know why, but that's not totally true. I am pretty sure I know the reasons that have kept me from going and getting my recommend

  •  I don't feel worthy ~I have this problem with lots of things, I just don't feel like I am good enough, that I deserve things.
  • going ~ I don't know what to expect and I haven't gone for I know not what I will do with Bug.
  • Reminder ~ going o the temple would be amazing I have wanted to go but the biggest thing is going is a heavy reminder of what I am unable to do. I can't be sealed to Bug, So going would just push in my fave more the ordinances that I am unable to do, the one ordinance I desperately wish I could do. It hurts not being able to be sealed to Bug. It hurts more of I think it would to be able to do the ordinances in the temple that I can but not being able to be sealed to Bug and then end up never being able to be. It just scared me.
So thus I have been sabotaging myself.

I sabotage myself in other ways too. I don't ask for help. if someone asked what I need I say nothing. If I am asked if I am okay, I say yes even though I am not. I am scared to do or say otherwise for if I ask for help I am weak unable to do it for myself. It has always been hard for me to ask for help, but I know no other way, for it has become habit. So many things have become habit that I wish weren't.


  1. Tierra, I hope you know how many people there are around you that care for you and love you! Knowing that going to the temple is something that Heavenly Father wants us to do, and gaining a testimony of why we need to go to the temple is something that you need to study out. You do not need to be perfect to attend, but rather always striving to be a better person....to work on those shortcomings. Remember Satan would discourage and have you feel that you are unworthy, Heavenly Father gives us comfort that even though we are not perfect, that through repentence we can be BETTER, and work towards the goal of going to the temple!
    Even though you and your little man can't be sealed to each other now, the Bishop is right that you need to work for the temple, as much as you can, and Heavenly Father will make up the rest of the way! Heavenly Father knows our wants/needs and if you are working for and doing everything that you know you need to do, working for a better you, Heavenly Father will provide that special man in your life whether it's now or later, to love, cherish and be sealed to you and your son for all eternity! It will be a wonderful day! You have to be ready for that day! Be who you want to marry!
    If you ever need someone to talk to or whatever you need, gimme a call! *huge hugs!*

  2. I understand 100%. I fell from the church when I was 16 and through many hardships I ended up a single mom to 5 wonderful children. It was such a huge heart ache to know that when this world was done my family would be gone. I felt that the Lord's attonment was not for me. I had done to much and did not deserve the blessings of the temple. Eventually I learned through many tears that even though I felt I didn't deserve it, the Lord did. He sacraficed for me....personally me. He has for you too. I eventually did go to the temple and I will not lie it hurt that I went without a husband. But I had to be ready and do everything I could. Long story short, a couple years later the Lord sent me Bob. Who had no kids of his own and he was willing to accept me with my 5 children in stow. We were sealed in the temple along with 3 of those children. I still sorrow that my oldest boys will not be mine someday.