My heart is truly hurt. My dad's family is willing to see my dad for the holidays and not my mom.
A couple days ago my mom called my Aunt and set up a day that we could go see her family and my grandma. A day after we set it up my mom got an E-mail from her saying that they didn't not feel comfortable with having her up but if Bug (my son) really wanted to see the girls (her daughters (my cousins)) then I should ask about going up with Scott. I will not do that. Since my dad left he has only talked to me twice and has only seen Bug once. I have had to figure out ways to comfort Bug. He has had multiple melt downs, outburst of rage/frustration/ hurt because he is unable to fully explain how he feels and long periods of crying. These used to happen every day, some days multiple times (one so bad that he had to visit me at work after he calmed down because he was so upset.) I can not (nor do I want to) have him spend a day with Scott, for he will just go back to square one. It is to stressful for me, it is to hard on him and its not what is best for Bug.
I thought my family would be there for Bug and for me. I guess I was wrong. It is sad that the family pushed my mom away. In doing so they have also pushed me and Bug away. Bug doesn't have that much family. I guess I truly know who our family is though now because of this.
My Grandpa is being there more then anyone else. He is flying in from
California for a little over the week. This is a great blessing because
of when he is coming. I was so worried about what I was going to do
about school conference time because I have longer hours. My grandpa is
coming during that time and so I know he will watch Bug for me. I hope that this visit will help Bug out a lot.
I am so thankful for Sister Nye who is willing to help out and be there and watch Bug when I need a babysitter. I am thankful for those members in the church who know what is going on. Yes they don't talk to me about it and yes they don't come up and ask me how I am doing but I don't want that. They have noticed that I just need to be there, that I just want to act like nothing has changed. It is extremely hard to deal with but I know if someone tries to be really nice and sweet then I am sure I will completely fall apart.
This is all my dad's doing and not my moms, my brothers or mine. If his decision makes it so Bug has even a smaller family because they are not willing to spend time with my mom then that is how it is. What is best for Bug is for family to support him and not be there supporting Scott. They have made it clear which side they are choosing. It hurts me a lot, but I am the one that has to watch out for Bugs well being and his best interest and if that means that I have to say our schedules just don't work out with theirs that is what I am going to have to do. I just hope what family he does have would supports us. I know he wont come out of it unharmed. I just hope that it will be as little as possible.