11 July 2011

A Package Deal?

When you haven't dated for about 6 1/2 years and haven't even hung out with a guy for over 5 years you really start to doubt that you will ever be able to find someone to love you. you can be afraid that you will get hurt. When you have a child you then worry that if you try and open yourself to another that your child will end up getting hurt. It is hard to even try and look for someone when you feel that you don't deserve these blessings. It is also hard to understand how another guy will be okay taking care of a child that is not his own, especially when the biological father has never had anything to do with his child and seems to have no desire to even see him. I know there are guys out there that are okay with having that responsibility. I have seen so, but that doesn't give me the confidence that I will find someone. It's also hard to find think I will find someone for I feel like I am damaged goods, not worthy of such blessings. I know I should not feel this way, but I struggle with it. My son is a daily reminder of the bad choices I made. I am not saying I regret having him or the choice to keep him. It's just a reminder, I guess a good one for I will not make the same mistake again. Its just sometimes makes one wonder if choices where made differently what would it be like.

I haven't found anyone but maybe there is a reason for that. Maybe it has to do with athat I really don't love myself or that I need to learn some homemaking skills. Maybe I wont find someone till I learn to love myself and feel that I am able to do the duties I need to. I hust might not be ready, I still need to grow. It could alsobe as simple as that I am not suppose to find someone in this life. Maybe this bessing is not for this life for me but for the next. My knight in shiniing armor maybe no where to be found for the time is not yet, but in the spirit world.


  1. Trust me hun, there are men out there that will take care of another child that is not his own! Take Casey for example, and there are many more examples in Pekin Ward alone. Never give up on Heavenly Father! HIS plan always win!

  2. Heavenly Father is mindful of you. He knows everything. Don't ever feel that you are damaged goods...you deserve everything your heart desires. I don't claim to know what Heavenly Father has in store for your life, but I know that you must trust in Him and LOVE yourself and forgive yourself. We love you! xo