21 October 2012


Even though I am an adult and living on my own this has been a big blow in my life.All of this has caused me much stress along with other things happening at my jobs. It has made me gain weight back that I have lost because I am stress eating and not paying attention to what I am eating or how much. I am also choosing to eat things I know I should not eat. Even eating out more then I have the money for or should while trying to gain control of my weight.

A quick blow to every thing I know has happened to me is greatly affecting me.
  • My dad moved out and physically separating from my mom. 
  • He moved into another families house. 
  • Then even after he said the money would stay the same he took his paycheck and put it into an account my mom has no access too.
  • Then the biggest blow of all, he filed for divorce. My mom found out Oct 16th. 
Yes I do believe this should of happened a long time ago but it doesn't make it any easier. He took vows to "Love And Cherish Till Death Do Us Part..."

What does this truly mean in this age though?
( "Love And Cherish Till Death Do Us Part...")
It seems to hold very little meaning to most. Non Latterday Saint marriages say in the vows that the marriage last till death and then they are not married.This is because they have not been sealed together by the power of God. Only Latterday Saints believe that marriage last for all eternity if both Man and Wife follow the laws of God and keep their Commandments. How hard is it as a non member to believe that the person you want to spend the rest of your life with wont be spent together for this life and for all eternity. I can not imagine not wanting to be Forever Married to the man I could decide to spend my life with on earth The man who I would grant the responsibility in helping me raise my son.

Yet so many do just marry for this life. Then so many take this vow and for one reason or another they break it and break even this little vow till death in their marriage. It seems like more and more people are getting divorced.

How does it affect grandchildren that see this happen to their grandparents?
My son and I havent really talked much about it. I told him Grandpa moved and he wasnt living at the house anymore. His first reaction was "But I wanted to watch Papa's system" (A box that hooked into many tv shoes and cartoons my son had been able to watch) Another reaction later on was crying. He only knows how to voice his feelings in what he is now no longer able to do. He has had multiple melt downs. the longest one lasting 45 minuets starting by not wanting to listen and then crying. My mom had to bring him into my job so he could get a hug.

He told an honorary Uncle "Papa left just like my dad." We have never talked about Bug's father. He has never even seen his father. Yet he correlated this. I worry about how this will affect him. He sees that two men in his life have walked out on him. With what my father has chosen, it really looks like he is walking out on all of us and it has already been proven that he wont see Bug as much.

Trying my best to Protect my Son.
I decided when I found out my dad was physically leaving my mom that I would be setting up rules on how it was going to be with my son. Tuesday night my mom was able to give my father the agreement that I wanted signed so I knew my father understood my ground rules. Non of these rules where unreasonable or unvalidated in wanting him to understand and follow. In a way my mom and brother follow all these rules in the way they are affected by them.Basically the rules in a nut shell all roll into that he is unable to take him anywhere that this other family is. My son should not be placed in front of him the opportunity to try and figure out why they can make him happy and what made him unhappy at home. The other thing is having to ask for permission to take him places. This in retrospect should not even have to be said. My dad in the past has taken Bug somewhere and not told the whole truth about why he was taking him to the place. Because of this and some other things my dad has done I can't trust him not to take Bug somewhere I wish him not to be.

These rules aren't something I did not do in spite of my dad. When I heard he was moving out and saw it happening, these rules where the first thing that came to my mind. I truly do think that these where placed in my heart by the Holy Spirit. My son comes first if that means I have to figure out babysitters for Saturdays and it means he barely sees his grandfather then that is how it is going to be. My sons well being comes first and I will not let him be placed in the middle.

I am not asking for people to say that my choice is right or wrong. Because I know my dad I believe it is right, my mother also agrees with my rules. I have to look out for Bug and and not others feelings. I just want support in how I desire to raise my son.

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