So many things are happening and its making it so much harder on me. I had to give rules to my dad for the benefit of my son. Because I did so and because my dad is playing the martyr he is refusing to agree to my terms. He now is not allowed to babysit because he wont agree to me telling him he needs permission to take Bug anywhere. I honestly think that when I gave him these rules he saw his way out of babysitting. He has seemed to resent having to babysit on Saturdays. He said he would and now he is refusing. It feels like if he really loved Bug he would agree to my terms so he could see him. When he told me Saturday he didn't agree to the terms I couldn't even look at him and he refused to talk about it. Before telling me he came to Bugs Soccer game, the last one of the season. He took Bug out to lunch and had to take me because I wouldn't let him take Bug alone because I don't know what will happen. I don't trust him right now because of his past lies, his present lies and what I am sure he will have, future lies.
A handful of people do not agree with what I have decided. they say I need to let the relationship with my son and my dad stay the same and it can not. Others agree with me. I really truly believe this is right and what the Holy Spirit is telling me to do. I don't want Bug growing up mad at the world. I have talked to a co-worker who I found out that his parents divorced right when he turned 7. He told me about how it affected him. I know its not Bugs parents divorcing but it still could and most likely with affect him in similar ways. Specially with Bug not having a father in his life. I don't even know how it is truly going to mess with him. He has no father and now it looks like he will have no grandfathers. When his great grandfather passes away its going to be devastating. He is unable to voice how he feels. I have no idea what he is fully going through for he does not understand how he is even feeling, let alone knows how to explain it. My co-worker was able to give insight on how a 7 year old could be affected by these changes. He believes my choice is also the right one. I except his understanding of it because he has lived it. My son is in my best interest. Yes maybe its not what seems to be best for him RIGHT now, but in the BIG PICTURE it is.
Heavenly Father answers are prayers and even if the answer is not what we think it should be he knows best and we have to except his will. Even if it doesn't seem right for us at the time in the big picture it is. It always works out and it has to follow the path Heavenly Father has set us on for a reason even if we don't understand it at the time. Similar parents know best to because of the guidance that the Holy Spirit gives them for their family. I am head of my family and so My Lord will give me counsel in how to support and raise my son. I am following this counsel and will do so because I am a Daughter of God and he has given me the power of womanhood. This is my job and even though it is not easy I will follow his will.
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